Update January 2006
Well, another Christmas season has come and gone. The life meter is still ticking over one month at a time and the realization has come over me that in five short months I will be reaching a major milestone and sharing two others with my life partner and wife, Susan. On June the 5th we will be celebrating 35 years of marriage. On June 8th it will be 5 years since my diagnosis with mesothelioma and on July 14 Susan will be turning 55 years old. I feel like the Domino Pizza guy who's looking at a 5-5-5 pizza deal. All humor aside, I'm grateful to be looking at these milestones when I was facing such a grim prognosis just 4 1/2 short years ago. AS OF JANUARY IT IS 55 MONTHS SINCE DIAGNOSIS... whoo hoo! Who would have thought it?
The pain is unrelenting of course. I spent an hour on the phone recently with fellow survivor Dr. Brett Williams and he and I both feel the pain will be a permanent aspect of our new lives and a small price to pay for our survival. It's funny how similar the lives of meso survivors can be. He and I both lost a lung on the same side. Both of us can't sleep on our right side when logic dictates that this side is basically an empty shell. (Is there a study opportunity to figure out why lying on the empty side makes us breathless?) Neither one of us exercises nearly enough despite our doctor's orders. I wondered silently whether Brett gives himself those orders and if he does, whether they have more weight because he is an MD? I know that it doesn't work for me. Being tired every day can wear you down and take away your desire to exercise. Both Brett and I take our vitamins and regard prophylactic medications like Celebrex with skepticism, yet we still take it.
The approach of spring brings with it the usual round of nervous anticipation as CT scans and checkups are on the immediate horizon. My oncologist remains cheerfully optimistic but still cautions that we must watch for the "scan from hell", something that seems more remote with each passing season but still weighs on both Brett and I. Fear of recurrence is the specter that haunts all meso survivors. Planning for the long term is a process that is only slowly coming to the fore again. Me eldest daughter Erika will be getting married to Mr. Cesar Jerez in March of 2007. I swear she picked the date to force me to stick around that long (just kidding) but it is a good sign that I have every expectation of being there to march her down the aisle as I did Krista in 2003. All in all, life remains good and I continue my work with MARF and the many meso patients and family members who contact me and share their lives, hopes and aspirations. I cherish being able to help them and encourage them.
I guess that's all for now. Keep the faith and trust that we are making progress. There are more long term survivors with every passing year, a trend I am determined to help accelerate.
Sincerely yours,
Klaus
